Hard decision

I got married at the age of 19, without any life experience…..I thought it was love (on the first day of marriage I thought it wasn’t)….I didn’t even know what love was or how to love someone…. At the age of 20, I already had a child…..A year later I already left that house….When you get married so young and have a child, some people use that against you….They blackmail you with the child to would stay and be a mat in front of the door, for everyone to wipe their feet from you… Many women live like that even today, but I am not one of them…. I left with the child…. Was it over? No. Everything just started… My parents were poor… I quote my father’s words: “You got married, you didn’t ask, you came back with a child, we took you in… I don’t have money to support you… Think about what you will do?” A single mother and I was still a child… Honestly, I didn’t even have the chance to be a child and enjoy my childhood… (When I was 7 years old I got a brother and took care of him, I also have a sister two years younger…. We didn’t even have bread…..Parents worked all day for the most basic things….) Life started…I found a job….I worked on the plantation, we planted plums….Working hours was from 6:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m….All day for only €10 a day…..(Women in the place where I’m from, do all men’s jobs, even harvesting wood….Only in the house they don’t have the right to vote, everything is as the husband says, if they want to stay there. More on that in the future). The child is only one year old, so many things are needed…. I gathered my strength and worked… I was not ashamed of honest work…. Smiling, positive, I went on… Until he was 7 years old, I had a million problems with his father. He was not interested in the child, but how he could hurt me… I endured everything… Even his attempt to put me in a psychiatric hospital…I was exhausted and tired… I used to have such thoughts that I was afraid of myself… But the child was next to me, I was a mother… I continued… The child was growing, I was I found a better job, we went on vacation…..It was nice….Then I met my current husband….He lived in another country…..I went with him and of course with the child.. ..Then new problems started, blackmail threats from his father…I got married but it was another country, I needed a visa for that country….It was a difficult decision…..Leave a child, get a visa and come back for him, or stay and fight. But also lose the man who drove 2000 kilometers every weekend to see me, his support, understanding and love…..Now that happiness is so close to me…. Do I have the right to be happy? Difficult decisions…..After all, I chose myself…..I explained to the child and promised that I would come back soon for him….I left…. Nothing is simple… .New challenges, experiences are coming….If I had known all that, would she have left? Would a mother leave her child, knowing that she would not be with him in the future? Know that she would not…. Life brings various things and situations over which we have no control….What remains? There remains sadness, depression, regret, grief…. I lived like that for years…. I finally realized that this is not a solution?